Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Hope is the call
That is ringing in my soul
But I can't pretend that I see
Much light in front of me

I wait to find You here
Hope is thrown away
I can't give up
I'll wait to see You here
I have gone astray
But You will always stay beside me
And Your rescue comes to find me
And You always stay

Love is the seed
That is buried underneath
The soil of the pain and of grief
But it grows into the tree
That I'll climb to see You here
Hope is thrown away

I can't give up
I'll wait to see You here
I have gone astray
But You will always stay beside me
And Your path is straight before me
You will always stay
You will always stay

Pride is the friend
Who betrays me in the end
Stealing joy, as it goes
Leaves me longing for a home

I'll wait to find You here
Though I'm thrown away
I can't give up
I'll wait to see You here
I have gone astray
And I believe I'll sing until You're here
Though I'm lost and afraid
I can't give up
I wait to find You here
I have gone astray

You will always stay beside me
And Your sun will rise above me
And Your light will shine upon me
And Your skies are clear above me
And You will always stay
You will always stay

I am really feeling this song lately.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Molly Freakin Ringwald

You know, sometimes I think I am so insightful and I think these little thoughts to myself and wonder why I waste my time processing claims when I could be doing much cooler things. usual, I was brought back to reality last week.

Let me back up a minute. About two months ago I stumbled upon this song by Cary Brothers called Ride. AMAZING song. I knew who he was, as he's had songs in both Garden State and The Last Kiss. Obviously both star Zach Braff who obviously has great taste in music because yeah...have you HEARD those soundtracks? So, I hear Ride and I'm digging it so I go to his myspace and listen to a few other tracks and then go on and buy his album off iTunes. I love it when you get an album where you love every song on it, not just a select few. I freaking LOVE it when that happens.
One song in particular really stood out to me and has become one that I listen to constantly, and is currently my most listened to song on my iTunes. What song you ask? If You Were Here. I love it. I can't get enough of it.
I would say probably within the first week of having the album, I'm sitting at work, listening to my iPod, which I do pretty much everyday, and I'm listening to 'If You Were Here' when I suddenly realize why I love this song so much. It reminds me of an 80's movies and I immediately think to myself-I wonder if he wrote this thinking of one of those cheesy 80's movies with Molly Ringwald? When it gets to the bridge especially...the build up, then he and the girl start in on the harmony and I'm just washed away listening to this song. I am a big fan of anything 80's, especially the movies, especially of the John Hughes variety, which happen to star?'re following along.
So the love for Cary Brothers just continued over these past two months, loving him, loving the music. I usually only listen to my iPod when Michelle, the other supervisor is there at work. After 5pm, I take over, as she leaves for the evening, and it doesn't feel very responsible to be listening with an earbud in (even though I have the volume very low) so I usually switch to my little boom-box.
The only decent radio station left in Atlanta (IMO) is Dave FM. Everyday at five, Sully does the Retro in the Metro (the poor man's Retroplex) where he plays 80's music. I only ever have my music on just loud enough for me to register it's there, in the background as a distraction. Well last week I'm at my desk, it's past five and I'm listening to the radio...Dave FM...retro in the metro. about 5:30 or so he starts playing this song by the Thompson Twins. I'm like "OH-this is from Sixteen Candles, I love that movie!" I recognize it because of the keyboard/snythesizer bit at the beginning. Here come the lyrics. Cue me having one of those lightbulb over the head moments. Those lyrics sound familiar?? Cut to me leaning in close to my radio so I can hear loud enough as the lyrics go on "and if you were here..." It's a freaking COVER song! The Cary Brothers version is a cover of the Thompson Twins original song which WAS IN A FREAKING MOLLY RINGWALD MOVIE!!!
I realize it took me a while to get here-go back and read the beginning of this rant.
I am such a dork, not cool at all, and will forever be a claims processor.

P.S. If any of you out there have been won over to Cary Brothers by this post, I have an extra ticket to his show in March...come with me!

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

This is THE year

Do people still make resolutions? I don't think I ever did really.

Anyways, did anyone else watch Oprah today? I have to applaud her for using her success and reach to bring attention to a serious problem a lot of folks are facing...obesity. I think the name of the episode was "This is the year" or something similar.

I was so touched by the stories people were sharing and lord knows I was shaking my head in understanding throughout the program.

I think this is going to be my year. There are things going on in my life that will hopefully ensure this, but nothing I care to get too deep into at the moment. I don't know why though, as Amber is about the only person who reads this I think and she knows what I'm on about. In fact I might start my future blogs with "Dear Amber." :-)

I am finding it rather difficult to type with painted nails. Why is this?

Friday, December 7, 2007

A song

So I have been thinking about the songs I love that "define" my life. You know what I mean? The songs that when you hear them take your mind immediately elsewhere and for that 2-5 min or so you have flashbacks and get all nostalgic. Me, reminisce you say? I know that's a stretch...
Here they are and I will explain (probably in boring detail) why these songs define my life (well my life so far) particular order here.
Cruel Summer by Bananarama: Who remembers this song being in The Karate Kid? I love this song for so many reasons. It reminds me of the early 80's, which had so much good pop music and damnit, it has a catchy beat. My dad also loves this song and a few years ago I made him a mix cd and everytime we drive over to the lake in the summer he puts it in and this is the first song. This one definitely reminds me of my childhood.
Forever Young by Alphaville: This song kind of breaks my heart sometimes when I listen to it. The whole song, the lyrics, the music, everything is so bittersweet to me. I just remember when it first came out how dreamy it sounded to me. It reminds me of just being a kid and the mundane things you do, like going to dance class, or a sleep over at your friends house. Anyone who knows me, knows how sentimental I am and I think this song is one for the sentimental saps like myself.
I Want It That Way by The Backstreet Boys. Oh go on, snicker to yourself...but you knew a boy band would be in the mix! This song reminds me of summers in Athens, Georgia. Anyone who has been fortunate enough to spend any time in Athens knows how blessed they are, and the summers there are even better! Most of the students have cleared out and you have the town to yourself. You can drive around and just enjoy the city without all the clutter of people and cars. This song reminds me of my good friend Cathy, who worked at Warehouse Music and driving over with Wayne to Alps Road to see her at work.
I don't care who you are, we all love a great pop song and this is one of the best from the late 90's. I know I was excited to see pop music make a return after those dark years of grunge/garage band music. This song for me is the ring leader of that time. Back in the day, when Trent and Jeremiah got me hooked on The Box, spending countless hours at night waiting for someone to buy a video. The Box introduced us to Britney Spears, as 'Hit Me Baby..." was the free bonus video if you bought the video of the week (or something along those lines). This song reminds me of Gil and Mihir standing out in the parking lot of our townhomes at Pineview doing choreography from some video I'd subjected them to numerous times in an attempt to cheer me up. Good memories.
Weather With You by Crowded House: I couldn't wait to get out of high school and get the hell out of Carrollton Georgia. I knew there was more out there waiting for me. When it came time to actually leave, I sort of panicked and felt like I was making a mistake. All my friends, the people I had known my whole life, were staying in town and going to college together, and little lonely ole me was the lone one branching out and going somewhere different. That drive to Athens was horrible. I guess I thought I was giving up everyone I knew and starting over. (I always did have a flare for the dramatics). My parents never encouraged me to go out on my own. I think they would have been content with me never crossing the county line.
Luckily I wised up and discovered you can go forward with your life and still have the people who mean something to you in it, even if it's in a different way.
This song is my traveling song and just a reminder that there are so many places I want to go and things I want to see and that's it's ok to have that desire.
In The Light by DC Talk: I was never really introduced to modern Christian music until I got to high school and went to Impact (a Christian summer camp for the clueless reader). I had not heard of Steven Curtis Chapman or DC Talk, or any popular Christian artist from the early 90's. The theme that first year was "The Great Adventure" and any good SCC fan out there recognizes the title. Needless to say, I put aside any judgements I might have had and embraced the music. I am thankful for the exposure and I find myself still going to these types of songs when I'm having a rough day or when I'm in a good mood and want to be uplifted. This song in particular has stuck with me throughout the years as its message is still something I try to embrace. As I sit here typing this though, all I can think of in my head is "down with the dc talk, d-d-down with the dc talk" and I'm quickly reminded of just how cheesy a majority of Christian music can be...
In a Daydream by The Freddy Jones Band: This song WAS my college experience. Even now when I hear this song I can picture myself in the backseat of FAT247 with about 10 other people driving down Alps. Oh Ashley Hill, how can we ever thank you for bringing this song into our lives? So many good memories...33, Cloverhurst, random road trips in the middle of the night, intramural fields, Spring Break from Hell, going to see the Iron Horse, I could go on and on.
Midnight Train to Georgia (Indigo Girls version): Oh it was hard to choose just one IG song. I could write a book about how any number of Indigo Girls song has touched my life or has said the things I cannot say myself. This song though reminds me of Courtney and me singing along in harmony at our apartment. Courtney and I bonded through our mutual enjoyment of their music. I knew Courtney for a year before I could really say we were friends, as odd as that sounds now in my head. What I love about their music is that it is timeless. No matter what style of music is popular at the time, you can always go back to one of their old cds. Courtney and I have gone to see them so many times, many years along with Bradd and Grant, and several times just the two of us...which was always funny b/c we'd imagine that people thought we were a couple...a few months ago she texted me from Utah and said she and David were at a concert and it was the first time she'd gone to a show without me (and that Dave wished I were there instead of him-not his taste apparently:)).
Everybody's Changing by Keane: Ireland, 2004. Every single day I spent there. This song is me walking to work by the sea, riding on a bus to another city to explore, sitting on my favorite bench in the entire world, going to a pub on any given night with my friends, driving down a county road with my roomate John, it's anything and everything about every moment I experienced there.
On my first day in Dublin, I knew no one, had nothing really to do but walk the city and I went by a record store and went in because it was the only thing that felt familiar to me. They had some listening stations out and various cds available. I sampled every one and this cd blew me out of the water. I had never heard of the group, but just listening to a quick 10 seconds of each song was enough to get me to buy it. I had brought a portable discman with me and so for nearly everyday after, this cd was in it. I listened to it constantly. If you're familiar with the album (Hopes and Fears) you know it's appropriate for walking around Ireland and taking it all in. Ireland was my dream, #1 destination in the world I had to get to, and I was so happy every single moment I was there. This song will always make me smile.
Don't Go There by 24K: Most people would probably scoff at this song on the list, but my friends know why it's here. This song will probably be played at our funerals for the rest to have a quick dance party. Every major event in our lives has included this song. College dances, Amber's wedding, Katie's wedding, Amber's kickass-dance-party birthday, and I'm sure if Lesley or I ever get married we'll have it at ours, and we'll make Chandler play it at his committment ceremony.
**PLEASE click on the link above for this song***
You're My Best Friend by Queen: Welcome to high school. Me and my friends were trilled to make friends with some juniors and seniors because they had cars! It's not difficult to impress a 14 year old girl sometimes. Welcome to band camp. Sorry that this makes you kind of a geek but as a prize you get Steve Taylor. Steve was a junior and in the trombone section with Teresa and Kelly. I should have known in 5th grade to pick a unisex instrumet, not the stupid clarinet which mainly girls play. Steve became our friend and would drive us around in his car. He loved Queen and so we loved Queen. Everytime you got in the car, he had Queen in the tape deck. This song is driving through town singing along and bopping our heads to the beat. We thought we were so cool, especially when Wayne's World came out and Bohemian Rhapsody blew up. We were like-pfft, whatever we liked Queen WAY before that, and turned out nose up at these band-wagon jumpers! *Nerd*
Everybody Wants to Rule the World by Tears for Fears: Yet another 80's song from an 80's movie, Real Genius. The movie only had a cult following, two of which were me and my brother. This song plays as they roll the credits. We LOVED this movie growing up. I still love it and have it on dvd in fact. I think that's why I love the song so much. I love the melody of this song. It makes me giddy. The lyrics seep into my head. 'Welcome to your life, there's no turning back.' It's a coming of age song and even at 7 or 8 I felt like I could relate. My favorite part is the bridge: 'There's a room where the light won't find you holding hands while the walls come tumbling down...' Childhood seems to last forever when you're a kid so I guess that's why I have so many songs from my younger years.

I suppose for shits and giggles I should include this but I don't know that it's technically a song...however it too was played at Amber's wedding.

Ok this was a long one folks and if anyone made it through it, I applaud you!

Sunday, November 18, 2007


Thanksgiving is Thursday! Can you believe it folks? This is absolutely my favorite time of year. Yes, my birthday was last week so of course you may think that influences my love of Fall, but honestly it doesn't really...maybe when I was little. I don't really enjoy birthdays anymore tbh, I always seem to get a bit melancoly that day, or emo as the kids say.
I love the holidays. The time between Thanksgiving and Christmas is heavenly. Christmas music everywhere, getting together with family and friends, decorations, I get into all of it. I've already got 4 Christmas decorations up at my desk at work, and yes I will be breaking out the Christmas village next week at work. I'll take photographs and post them so you can truly see what a nerd I am.

So...did anyone see Oprah this week? More to the point, the two parter that aired Thursday and Friday-The Secret Life of Hoarders? OMG. There are no words to describe that mess, pun intended. You know, I have to admit I am the type who will sit in silent judgement when I see things on tv that I cannot comprehend, acts that are, in my opinion, know, kiddie fiddlers, murderers, etc...Now I'm not comparing hoarders to pedophiles, but my point is this...while I was washed over with disgust watching those two hours of tv, I couldn't help but relate to that woman, to a much smaller extent. I too am a hoarder. I too enjoy getting a good bargain, it does make me feel good, it does fulfill something in me I suppose. The irony of all of this, is that I got a wild hair to clean last night. (Rewind-I must point out I tape all my shows on my DVR so I didn't watch the episodes when they originally aired). I went to Wal-Mart and got some supplies I needed, came home and did some serious kitchen and bathroom cleaning. I felt so good afterwards and about midnight when I was done, I sat down and decided to check my dvr to see what it had to offer. I chose Oprah and that's what I saw. Talk about God sent...I totally think I needed to see something like that to snap me into reality and realize that I need to change some of my habits. I was talking to my mom about this today and she said after she saw that, she went into her closet and finally purged it of a bunch of old clothes she'd been hanging onto for so long.

Ok, since I'm talking about Wal-Mart, here's another story. About a month ago I realized I needed a new shower curtain. I frequent the Target near work a lot on my lunch break, so one day I went in search of a new shower curtain. I swear the tag on the shelf said $19.99 which was my more than $20 for a shower curtain is a good motto to live by I say. When I was at the register I failed to see that it was actually $24.99 and only discovered this when I reviewed my receipt back at work. I was pissed. (I won't start on my conspiracy theories about stores in this day and age with their not putting price tags on each item, only labels on the shelves, in the attempt to lure you into putting the item in your buggy and then charging more at the register because they know you probably won't notice the $1-5 markup). I have been sick thinking about that damn $25 shower curtain. I never even got it out of the packaging. Last night I happened by the bathroom accessories section at Wal-Mart and found one I liked even more than the evil Target one, and it was only $15! You know I bought it and returned that overpriced one to Target today.
I should mention that when I went to Target tonight, the dude at the register said "Wow you looked tired" which we all know is code for "Wow, you look like shit." Ok fine, I went out in yoga pants and a black's freakin Target, not the senior prom folks! I didn't put on makeup or my grandmothers pearls to swap a shower curtain for a new mop and toilet paper!

Monday, November 5, 2007

On The Nightshift

Anyone who has known me for any stretch of time knows that I am not a morning person. Guess what? I'm never going to be one! I'm in my third decade of living and I've come to terms with this...actually I never had a problem with it, but countless others and their snarky remarks seeped into my head and have made me wonder if this was something I would eventually "grow" out of and one day miraculously wake up alert and perky.

Those of you out there that can roll out of bed at 5, 6, 7 am with not so much as a thought of slapping the snooze button, and jump right up to start your day...I applaud you. Good for you. Here's the thing, there are those among you who have gotten a little too self righteous when it comes to the debate of morning vs. night people. One remark I've heard in particular on more than one occasion, and which has caused my hands to be clasped in full throttle mode, is "when you finally become an adult, you'll turn into a morning person" or something along those lines. My own father has made this remark one bazillion times regarding my brother and me. I don't understand the hostility folks? Who really cares? You get a lot done in the morning? BFD. We get a lot done at night. Do we really need to separate into two gangs, ala Jets vs Sharks? It would not be uncommon to find me cleaning my toilet at 11:30pm on a Tuesday night. I'm more inspired at night to compose my thoughts, so email is best checked at that hour, along with senseless blogging (checks clock-12:27am). One thing you won't find me doing late at night is taking out my trash, but that is a direct effect of the countless hours I've spent watching Forensic Files, Cold Case Files, American Justice, etc...Our dimly lit parking lot lends itself too big a scenario for trouble which plays out in my head when I comtemplate going to the dark corner of it where the dumpster sits.
What was I rambling on about? Right, well with that being said, despite my nocturnal body clock I am sometimes forced to deal with the eaaaaarly morning hours from time to time. I currently work West Coast business hours, (psst-that means 11-8 EST) so I don't have to greet the dawn too often. Last week I worked 8-5 one day and procrastinated the night before in getting some things done, which forced me to wake up at 6:00am that day. Good grief, and it was cold to boot. My hardwood floors are unforgiving on a cold Wednesday morning. Still, I dragged myself into the shower and with zombie like precision, managed to get the hair washed. The only bright shining moment of getting up this early was that VH1 Classic was airing 80's pop cheese videos. Much to my delight, as soon as I walked back into my bedroom a video by NKOTB came on...which one was it? 'Please Don't Go Girl.' Now you know I was big time into NKOTB back in the day. Joey Joe was the shit. Y'all know I sat down and watched that mess and transformed back into a time when life was much more simple...7th grade. Ooh, how I hated those bitches in the video at the end, on the whirly carnival ride. So that wasn't so bad, that one morning, I must say.

Monday, October 22, 2007

Back-handed Compliments

So, I must say that I have all these great things are happening in my life right now. I'm experiencing some success in my weight loss crusade. I'm not dieting, I'm changing my lifestyle. It's all about creating different eating and exercise habits. Thus far I am quite pleased with my progress, but I have to remind myself to stay the course, because this will be a long journey, not a sprint to the finish.

It's funny the things that people say when they notice you're shedding the lbs. I have to say my parents have been great cheerleaders, as have my friends and a few co-workers. For anyone out there who has tried to lose a significant amount of weight, they will tell you, nothing makes us feel better than for someone to notice our transformation. This is especially true for me, because I have a horrible perception of myself...always have. I don't suppose I've ever liked looking at my reflection in the mirror and I do it only when necessary. For most of my life, I have not been happy with my body, but I have mastered the ability to compartmentalize those thoughts, to a certain extent. Rarely will you hear me talking about my insecurities when it comes to my body or how I look. Trust me, I have more than my share, but I keep it bottled up, mainly for self preservation. It's been a struggle to talk about this chapter in my life, because I'm afraid of jinxing myself, but I DO talk about it, I make myself. I basically see this as a project. I'm rewiring my brain to think different, because I really think this too is necessary to reach my goals.

Ok, so that all sounds so serious. I mean, it's true but it's not all that dramatic. It is great though to hear people's compliments and observations about your progress, especially when they come from such stories as this...

This weekend I went at my parents and when I came in the house, mom was in the office printing out a picture. I go in there and ask what she's said she's obsessed with printing pictures, she does it all the time. So I look down at this particular one and see this profile picture of some random woman with a weird looking neck.
"What's this?"

"Well this is a picture of a woman with this disease I thought you might have."

Ok, I'll bite...

The disease in question by the way is Cushing's Disease. Please take a moment and click on the link and pull up the picture labeled "buffalo hump." Mom realizes I'm puzzled by this as I read up on the symptoms. What exactly led you to this conclusion mom? She proceeds to tell me she was watching Discovery Health and they did a show on this disease and the neck example caught her eye.
Upon further inspection of my neck she is happy to tell me "I think you're fine. You used to have a big neck but it's getting smaller."
Good to know the weight loss is hitting those crucial areas, including the neck. Nothing worse than a fat neck.
*On a side note, does anyone know if they make the V-Chip for parents? If so, I would like to get a tv for my mom with one and program it to block any channel with the word "Discovery" in the title. Not only is mom a medical expert, but she's also a forensic specialist and the 2nd Dog Whisperer. I cannot tell you how funny it is to see her with their dog, who is dumber than a bag of hair (purebred), doing that "Shh-ing" thing Cesar does on the show.*

Later on in the weekend mom and I dragged my grandma out of the house to get some fresh air, have a little lunch and do some shopping. I was on a mission to get some shoes. My genes have blessed me with ski's for feet, so shopping for shoes is not much fun, which pisses me off because I already hate shopping for clothes, and to add insult to injury only myself and drag queens wear my size shoe (11). Seriously, when I lived in Athens I would see a lot of men in my aisle at Payless around the time for Boyboutante Ball.
Well to my delight, Rack-Room shoes had just what I was looking for, and they were on sale! Pleased with my discovery, I go to the register to pay, and the cashier, who I assume thought she was making pleasant afternoon chatter with me, says "You're lucky you found these. Girls with big feet like you have a hard time finding shoes. Oh and it's worse for you with those wide feet."
Seriously? You're saying this to me? I was dumbfounded. I said nothing, took out my card and handed it over. Me and my big ass clown feet had other places to go. It really is funny, because I can laugh at myself, but come on, did you think that sounded good in your head? The shoes in question are here. I would also like to point out that I do not have fat feet, the bones in my feet are spread way the hell out and I come from a long line of big footed Duggins's. My brother wears a men's size 16.

That about sums it up for now. Me and my slightly less-fat neck and huge feet are tired and need to go to bed!